your parents love me but you hate me
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
