Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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