and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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