It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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