She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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