so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
