I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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