I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
