I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
