tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
