I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
