I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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