there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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