Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
