I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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