I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
