On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
