hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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