why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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