so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i dont even know how to be here
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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