it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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