just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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