Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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