Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
wow bdsm is so cute
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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