woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
