It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
