did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
