remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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