for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We need to feng shui this bitch.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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