i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
