My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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