I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
