Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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