he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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