I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize