i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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