I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
