was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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