she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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