She's JV to your varsity
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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