PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
