you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
