so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
