i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
