If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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