Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
