True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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