is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
