Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
