I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
