Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
