Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
