It was confusing and full of hummus
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize