My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
my poor anus
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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