You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I fill condoms, not promises.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
