I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
