I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
