You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
