i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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