Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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