this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
