he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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